Relationships matter. When they work well they are a vital source of support and protection against life’s stresses and strains. All relationships go through periods of change and challenge. Parents caring for a disabled child have to adjust to new roles, different expectations about their child, and cope with significant emotional, social, physical and financial pressures.
Caring for a disabled child and your relationship
Many parents find these experiences bring them together and make their relationship stronger as these parents have commented:
- 'Neither my husband nor I can imagine life without the other - neither of us could cope with the children without the other's help. There is a bond between us that can never be shared by anyone else'
- 'After earlier relationship difficulties, we are now much closer'
- 'We are terrific as a team in a crisis - we are the family that copes!'
However, some couples are overwhelmed by the experience and struggle to stay together.
Coping with additional pressures
Many parents describe feelings of isolation; struggling to come to terms with the news of a child's disability; a lack of time for themselves and each other; problems balancing work and caring; increased financial worries; a lack of support and understanding from professionals and the wider family network; a lack of suitable services and having to fight for those that are available.
- 'Any difficulties between my husband and I are exacerbated by the additional stress and time lost to caring for a disabled child. Neither of us gets enough time and attention for us as individuals and neither of us has the capacity to give more to the other. There is a great deal of resentment - he resents that I don't spend as much time with our disabled child as he does, and I resent that he doesn't recognise the colossal effort I put into co-ordinating schedules, visiting school and fighting continuous battles to get what our son needs'
Getting support for your relationship
Looking after your relationship is important. In conjunction with the relationship specialists, One plus One, Contact a Family has produced a guide to Relationships and caring for a disabled child. This guide is full of tips and advice from other parents who have experienced the same difficulties and pressures as you. It also has some useful advice on practical sources of help and legal issues when a relationship ends.
If you need more information
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